So its no real surprise that this was the worst week. Emotionally the entire experience had been building up and it was not going to end well.
I put on so much weight 90% of my wardrobe didn’t fit. I was exhausted all the time, I was grumpy, I was angry and in general not a great person to be around. So I made a decision that I would get the blood tests as soon as I could that week, and that I would make my follow up appointment with the specialists.
Talk about a roller-coaster! Tuesday I just lost the plot at work. A friend and colleague who I have been sharing the experience with tells me that he thought, “Yep, she’s lost it” that week. Then I went to get the blood tests. I had been trying to call the specialists all week, and by Wednesday hadn’t gotten through. I had wanted to confirm that if I took the tests, it would be ok for me to just stop eating the food and if they needed to do the biopsy it would be fine because I would still have traces in my system. But since I had already made up my mind, I went and got the blood tests anyway.
Thursday was just ridiculous. I was so excited the previous evening because I would finally get to stop eating this stuff and maybe feel better soon. But then I found out that I would actually have to continue eating wheat at least until the blood test results came back (which could be up to 3 weeks) and then depending on the results up until I could get the biopsy. Wow did I crash. I could hardly concentrate at work and all I wanted to do was go completely nuts at someone and sit in a corner and cry. I was completely devastated. All afternoon people were talking to me but I didn’t hear anything. I couldn’t concentrate. I was in shock.
I didn’t recover from the shock very quickly either. Later that week people were saying things like “Oh look at you trying to cram all your wheat before it’s over” and “wow you must be really enjoying it getting to eat interesting stuff again” which on probably any other week I would have been laughing with them, but that day it made my blood boil. It was the longest week ever, and I wanted it to be over. I felt like dying.
Friday, February 27, 2009
Sunday, February 22, 2009
week 5 - emotional meltdown
With an attempt to cleanse my system without affecting the results of my tests, my situation rapidly deteriorated. While no new symptoms presented themselves during the week, the effort of trying to remain positive and limit the impact of anything to my team was wearing me down. Given the kinds of feedback I get when I am “normal” and “in control”, I was putting a lot more effort into not only attempting to be “normal” but trying to overcome that perception and reality all together. This was both emotionally and mentally taxing. It’s amazing I found time to work at all really!
Anyway, with great relief, the weekend came. My husband and I went to a lovely little French café called Sel et Poivre in Darlinghurst. They have some really nice breakfasts and one of the only places that we’ve been to that sell bowls of coffee (though given that I don’t drink coffee I realise this may seem irrelevant). Here we both enjoyed some lovely fresh baguettes with butter and jam and discussed who it was that put ham and cheese on everything. Seriously, who started that?
I found my state of mind a little conflicting. On one hand I just wanted to stay at home, not speak to anyone, and be grumpy and self-loathing on the couch. On the other hand, I wanted to give my husband a bit of a break from me, which required other people, and me to go out with him and them.
Going out on the bike always seems to calm me. So that seemed the logical answer. We would take advantaged of the beautiful weather, we would be doing something together, but for the most part I just had to concentrate on the road and not talk to people. We did go visit some friends after brunch, and for the most part that was uneventful from me, but their invitation to go out later that evening, with more people, was something that I knew I wouldn’t cope with well. So we didn’t go.
Later that weekend, I had managed to have a screaming fit and have a panic attack that put me in a fairly serious life-threatening situation. I was hyperventilating. I couldn’t function, I couldn’t even really respond. Fortunately for me, my super hero husband was on hand and helped me out. Though the crying for the rest of the day was probably a little bit much for him to take.
It’s these moments when people point out the obvious as if you haven’t noticed. “You’ve been in a bad mood all morning” – “No really? I hadn’t noticed. After all, I’ve only been poisoning myself for the last 5 weeks, trying to stop the symptoms that I knew would suck, and attempting not to revert back to a person I left behind – but thanks for pointing that out!” I know people are trying to be helpful, but sometimes, things like that are not helpful. Not in these conditions anyway.
I did try and make it up to my husband for being such a crack pot, and bought some pastries from a place called “The Bourke Street Bakery” – recommended to me by a friend. It was really nice. We got some pain au chocolat’s, pizza, pies, brulee and chocolate tarts. They were delicious. Highly recommended for those that can, should.
But even with all these lovely treats, I was over this test. I wanted it to finish. I hated it, the food and myself. I felt like crap constantly, and I hated how I was hurting the people around me with no real sense of control or ability to stop it.
Anyway, with great relief, the weekend came. My husband and I went to a lovely little French café called Sel et Poivre in Darlinghurst. They have some really nice breakfasts and one of the only places that we’ve been to that sell bowls of coffee (though given that I don’t drink coffee I realise this may seem irrelevant). Here we both enjoyed some lovely fresh baguettes with butter and jam and discussed who it was that put ham and cheese on everything. Seriously, who started that?
I found my state of mind a little conflicting. On one hand I just wanted to stay at home, not speak to anyone, and be grumpy and self-loathing on the couch. On the other hand, I wanted to give my husband a bit of a break from me, which required other people, and me to go out with him and them.
Going out on the bike always seems to calm me. So that seemed the logical answer. We would take advantaged of the beautiful weather, we would be doing something together, but for the most part I just had to concentrate on the road and not talk to people. We did go visit some friends after brunch, and for the most part that was uneventful from me, but their invitation to go out later that evening, with more people, was something that I knew I wouldn’t cope with well. So we didn’t go.
Later that weekend, I had managed to have a screaming fit and have a panic attack that put me in a fairly serious life-threatening situation. I was hyperventilating. I couldn’t function, I couldn’t even really respond. Fortunately for me, my super hero husband was on hand and helped me out. Though the crying for the rest of the day was probably a little bit much for him to take.
It’s these moments when people point out the obvious as if you haven’t noticed. “You’ve been in a bad mood all morning” – “No really? I hadn’t noticed. After all, I’ve only been poisoning myself for the last 5 weeks, trying to stop the symptoms that I knew would suck, and attempting not to revert back to a person I left behind – but thanks for pointing that out!” I know people are trying to be helpful, but sometimes, things like that are not helpful. Not in these conditions anyway.
I did try and make it up to my husband for being such a crack pot, and bought some pastries from a place called “The Bourke Street Bakery” – recommended to me by a friend. It was really nice. We got some pain au chocolat’s, pizza, pies, brulee and chocolate tarts. They were delicious. Highly recommended for those that can, should.
But even with all these lovely treats, I was over this test. I wanted it to finish. I hated it, the food and myself. I felt like crap constantly, and I hated how I was hurting the people around me with no real sense of control or ability to stop it.
Thursday, February 12, 2009
coaliac disease testing continued - week 4
So this week was the beginning of rapid deterioration. It was the beginning of constantly being tired. It was the beginning of constantly being bloated, constantly having issues with my bowels, and constantly having headaches.
All the sleep in the world couldn’t make me feel better. I would go to sleep almost before my head hit the pillow, and I would wake up feeling like a zombie. And its not like this was a particularly stressful period at work because we we’re at work.
This was also another jammed packed week of seeing and entertaining people. So no time to get pissy about anything with anyone here! We went out and had some pizza at a place called Pizza Mario in Surry Hills with some friends for dinner. And while I knew it was going to be a bad idea weight-wise, I figured hey if I’m doing this stupid test I may as well enjoy it, right? Anyway the pizza was nice, but I paid for it the next day. We had people over for new years, and we had people over for a bbq a few days later. So it was pretty full on.
I have to admit, I probably subconsciously did that on purpose, because I thought if I have to be around people then I’ll be forced to be nice and I won’t get the chance to be angry right? Well it sort of worked. Having 15 or so people at your house can be stressful at the best of times. So by the end of the night I was kind of hoping that everyone would go away and I could just crawl into a hole.
The next morning was quite disastrous. It turns out that I had accidently eating something with rice flour in it. Along with everything else, I really don’t agree with rice. My weight sky-rocketed and my clothes stopped fitting. It was almost instantaneous and the damage was high. 90% of my wardrobe no longer fit. Not only that, I had to go spend the whole day surrounded by 85 000 other people (or so) watching Australia lose the cricket!
I was losing dexterity in my fingers. My balance was beginning to suffer (more than usual). And I dreaded the thought of going back to work in this state. And I was irritable. Really, really irritable.
I was thinking of ways to mitigate the symptoms’ of the testing while not affecting the results. A good friend of mine consulted with me on some good strategies before I started. We bought laxatives, Imodium, de gas, and lots of peppermint tea. We thought that my clearing out the stomach the symptoms’ wouldn’t last as long.
Unfortunately for me, and everyone around me, it didn’t work.
All the sleep in the world couldn’t make me feel better. I would go to sleep almost before my head hit the pillow, and I would wake up feeling like a zombie. And its not like this was a particularly stressful period at work because we we’re at work.
This was also another jammed packed week of seeing and entertaining people. So no time to get pissy about anything with anyone here! We went out and had some pizza at a place called Pizza Mario in Surry Hills with some friends for dinner. And while I knew it was going to be a bad idea weight-wise, I figured hey if I’m doing this stupid test I may as well enjoy it, right? Anyway the pizza was nice, but I paid for it the next day. We had people over for new years, and we had people over for a bbq a few days later. So it was pretty full on.
I have to admit, I probably subconsciously did that on purpose, because I thought if I have to be around people then I’ll be forced to be nice and I won’t get the chance to be angry right? Well it sort of worked. Having 15 or so people at your house can be stressful at the best of times. So by the end of the night I was kind of hoping that everyone would go away and I could just crawl into a hole.
The next morning was quite disastrous. It turns out that I had accidently eating something with rice flour in it. Along with everything else, I really don’t agree with rice. My weight sky-rocketed and my clothes stopped fitting. It was almost instantaneous and the damage was high. 90% of my wardrobe no longer fit. Not only that, I had to go spend the whole day surrounded by 85 000 other people (or so) watching Australia lose the cricket!
I was losing dexterity in my fingers. My balance was beginning to suffer (more than usual). And I dreaded the thought of going back to work in this state. And I was irritable. Really, really irritable.
I was thinking of ways to mitigate the symptoms’ of the testing while not affecting the results. A good friend of mine consulted with me on some good strategies before I started. We bought laxatives, Imodium, de gas, and lots of peppermint tea. We thought that my clearing out the stomach the symptoms’ wouldn’t last as long.
Unfortunately for me, and everyone around me, it didn’t work.
coaliac disease testing - week 3
Mmm getting ready for Christmas! Here is a great recipe for disaster – take a family who likes to make a big, BIG fuss about Christmas, that’s not my family either, add more family from out of town, and garnish with me eating wheat.
Actually Christmas wasn’t that bad. We did however, eat an ENORMOUS amount of food. One 15 kilo turkey and a 10 kilo ham! That does not include all the extras or dessert! But I do like smoked ham. And I have certainly missed golden gaytime icecreams. And to be honest, I spent a lot of the time in kitchen helping serve the meal, it meant that maybe I didn't have to spend so much time talking to other people, and lower the risk of yelling or getting angry with anyone.
Well the results of week 3 were quite predictable. While trying not to overeat wheat, I did manage to overeat.
Unfortunately, this all seemed to make my symptoms worse, and multiply. While continuing to put on more weight, and got more stomach cramps. I started being tired all the time and getting headaches. Exhausted!
This started off a bad trend and a downward spiral.
Actually Christmas wasn’t that bad. We did however, eat an ENORMOUS amount of food. One 15 kilo turkey and a 10 kilo ham! That does not include all the extras or dessert! But I do like smoked ham. And I have certainly missed golden gaytime icecreams. And to be honest, I spent a lot of the time in kitchen helping serve the meal, it meant that maybe I didn't have to spend so much time talking to other people, and lower the risk of yelling or getting angry with anyone.
Well the results of week 3 were quite predictable. While trying not to overeat wheat, I did manage to overeat.
Unfortunately, this all seemed to make my symptoms worse, and multiply. While continuing to put on more weight, and got more stomach cramps. I started being tired all the time and getting headaches. Exhausted!
This started off a bad trend and a downward spiral.
Tuesday, February 3, 2009
Week 2
So in the first week I was trying not to over do it with the foods. I knew it was going to be a bit of a shock to the system, so I was trying to pace myself. And given that I hadn’t reacted so badly I figured this week maybe I could step it up a little. Enter Turkish bread and pizza.
Turns out I really like Turkish bread with vegemite. REALLY. And I’ve always loved pizza – so no surprises there. Unfortunately for me, as the week got going, it was clear that all the excitement about not being a little early was a little premature. Some of the physical symptoms started unvealing themselves. But it was a little later in the week.
Which to me indicated that if I ever wanted to eat this food without having a reaction, I should just have those anti-biotics (though I’m sure there’s some other long time health problem associated with that). I asked a few friends in the medical profession whether or not it was possible that the anti-biotics would actually have that kind of affect, and they said that anti-biotics do generally change the flora of your gut so it is possible. So there you go.
The symptoms seemed to be a bit sporadic, but sometimes when I ate something wheat-y, like bread, I would get severe stomach cramps or stabbing in the gut straight away (within an hour), and sometimes, nothing at all.
The two most notable symptoms this week were that my weight was progressively increasing (and my bloating etc), and I was getting stomach cramps. Boo.
Turns out I really like Turkish bread with vegemite. REALLY. And I’ve always loved pizza – so no surprises there. Unfortunately for me, as the week got going, it was clear that all the excitement about not being a little early was a little premature. Some of the physical symptoms started unvealing themselves. But it was a little later in the week.
Which to me indicated that if I ever wanted to eat this food without having a reaction, I should just have those anti-biotics (though I’m sure there’s some other long time health problem associated with that). I asked a few friends in the medical profession whether or not it was possible that the anti-biotics would actually have that kind of affect, and they said that anti-biotics do generally change the flora of your gut so it is possible. So there you go.
The symptoms seemed to be a bit sporadic, but sometimes when I ate something wheat-y, like bread, I would get severe stomach cramps or stabbing in the gut straight away (within an hour), and sometimes, nothing at all.
The two most notable symptoms this week were that my weight was progressively increasing (and my bloating etc), and I was getting stomach cramps. Boo.
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